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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 0:12:14 GMT
Life and times of a daft boy who never grew up
Not for the faint hearted or folk with a weak bladder.
Started as an apprentice mechanic in the mid eighties and was threw in with some characters that changed my life for the worse, I became a bit of a prankster.
It took them ages to finally fall for the usual pranks,, we were busy as hell and a few of the guys were pulling the gearbox out of an old Talbot and they made out they were struggling and shouted at me to run out the back and get a long stand. Yip dopey here fell for it,, I'm running around the back yard looking for the proverbial long stand,, a chap at the back window and five smiling faces said it all. Well didn't I feel like a big woman's blouse. Payback is a bitch as they say
They went back under the Talbot to pull the box,, three of them under a car on axle stands,, 😃. The gaffer shouted to me to get a spanner quick as the box was half out and stuck with two of them trying to support the box. Quick as a flash I had the overalls off and was buck naked with a spanner held tightly by the cheeks and the gaffer and the guys couldn't hold the gearbox or get that image out there head,,
They finally stopped laughing,, told my boss ,, I got a strong verbal warning.. Boy was it worth it 😂
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 0:26:13 GMT
Next up, was the boss's turn.
Every day I had to get the shop order and get the tea made, A few days earlier some chap dropped of some literature of the female form we shall say, The boss was a right ( Richard head) and if someone got something new he had to go out and get something bigger and more expensive,, he was also one of the most accident prone folk I've ever met. We had our tea on a open plan balcony sitting on old car seats and on the occasion the boss joined us he sat on a wooden deck chair,, his wife always heard the bloody kettle going on and I always had to stop my break to make her tea, she would join us on the balcony.
So the boss joined us one morning and found the nude books that got handed in. He was sitting with his boots on the table cross legged and in a slouch position on the chair explaining to everyone that this was a big girl,, I turned round quickly and shouted,, cup of tea Linda,, Well the book went up in the air and the boss fell off the chair and was rolling around in a panic.. Pity his wife wasn't there. Payback is sweet .lol
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 0:35:33 GMT
Working in a Renault franchise I am a right moaning faced git at work and got a crap job on a Renault 19,, one of those stuck under the dash jobs, Now I'm no built for speed and I was moaning my chops off at the service manager that brian would be better doing it as there was more meat on a butcher's pencil than him. Service manager won the argument ,,I wondered away giving it,, it won't be that if I get stuck, ten minutes later I have my rigger boots off and jammed in the sun roof, I could see the service manager coming back in to the workshop,, and started shouting out loud from the other side of the car,, HElP,,I'm STUCK.
He came running over and near pissed himself laughing ,, One nil to Davy 😃
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 0:45:03 GMT
Another good one that back fired was from where I work just now.
The manager started his brother in-law in the garage to help with van lining we done at the time. One day a spider ran along the bench near him and ,,he was off like a shot,, Lol.. time for some fun.
He left his cigarette packet in the canteen,and of course I found the biggest spider I could find and put it in it. He had a cup of soup for his breakfast,, if course he opened the cigarette packet and the spider ran up his hand, I've never seen anyone jump that high out with the Olympics.
Backfired a bit Five of us got covered in his soup
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 0:53:31 GMT
The garage at times gets some furry friends visiting us,, one day there were two mice trapped in a empty bin , I shot my hand in and caught one, the other ran up my arm and away.. Young Elvis,, bought a tool box at the weekend and brought it in.. I thought nice mouse house and stuck the mouse in and closed the lid,, nice surprise for him coming back from college I thought.. The best laid plans of men and mice The old boss came in and clocked the new box,, nosey auld bugger. 😁 Time for the barsteward to strike again.lol Yes it's nice i said,, young boys,, have a look in it 😂,,, Yip mouse bounced out.. Thank God I never gave the auld git a heart attack ,,oops
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 0:57:59 GMT
Been having problems with rats for about six weeks,, traps and poison laid and caught a few rats,, Found out I'm the only one not scared of rats 😉 So big Jason is about 24 stone and he is petrified of them. Boss told me to get rid of it.
Looked good on big Jason's wing mirror,, won't call me fat again lol. Yip I'm a bad boy,,, just as well I like the guys 😂
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 1:18:11 GMT
Few may be thinking Davy is off his rocker at work,,bet he is as quiet as a mouse in the house, wrong I'm worse. Carols son would bring the new girlfriend to meet Carol, 😃 Time for mischief One night me and Carol are lying on the bed watching TV, when we hear the front door opening and her son shouting up that they were in.. Great going to miss my TV programme, so Carol tells me to get up , so we can give it the posh hello,, nice to meet you job. Carol just got through the bedroom door and I whipped off the jeans and t shirt and waited till they got level with the bedroom door,, i walked out in my underpants and put the hand out to shake the girls hand,, the look on there faces, 😂,, and Carol trying to explain I was fully dressed two seconds ago.
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 1:24:48 GMT
Visit to the supermarket can be fun as well. Carol and myself were walking down the booze isle and here's a bloke bending over looking at bottles of stuff to make him dizzy,, Well did he not bend over as we got level with him,, Carol being the nearest to him was maybe not a good idea for her. I patted the blokes bum and ran as fast as I could round the corner of the isle,, carols looking around to see why I ran away,, the bloke is looking at Carol,, she's looking back at him. Lol,, wasn't a happy bunny when I told her
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 1:42:38 GMT
Bored in the house one night and was reading the local paper,,I got to the bargain sale items and reading through it.. Oh dear,, classic advert Wedding dress used once 😂 Lol,, aye ok Mrs So I phoned the number and put the phone on speaker as there were a few present. A young woman answered and I out on a bit if a drag queen voice,, no malice intended if we have any members who like to dress up as women and sing,, I will survive) so I tell the wifey I'm interested in the dress and could she describe it to me,, bingo hook line and sinker,, you ask a bride about her wedding dress and you canny get them to shut up.
So I said to her,, will it fit a man size 38 chest,, silence,, then it was, yes I think so. I said I had to come clean with her,, my name's Cecil and I'm a cross dresser,, and my boyfriend Garfield always wanted to see me in a wedding dress.
Pushing it,i know,, but she really must have needed the money because she never slammed the phone down,,Carol and the folk listening are having bladder problems now with laughing so much.
So she said,,it's all fine,, for the love of God how far can I go with this.. So I said would she mind if I tried it on at hers, I could bring up my white stockings and satin court shoes and she could give me a hand, No problem,, well I near pee,d myself,, I arranged to go up the next night.
I would have paid good money to be a fly on the wall when she told her husband,, Bet there were ten blokes wae baseball bats waiting on Cecil the next night.
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 1:55:21 GMT
The karaoke machine. Same bargain section of the local paper.
Karaoke machine for sale. Phoned up,, on speaker phone.. put on the country yokel,, village idiot voice,, didn't need to change it much lol.
Bloke answers it, aye hollow mate ,am interested in the karaoke machine,, Piggin thing was sold,, so as I was playing the part of the village idiot,, while he's on holiday,, I thought let's get the bloke raging,, 😂 I asked for a demonstration over the phone,,chap kept saying it's sold,, I said I didn't want to travel all the way there if it was crap,, he kept saying it's sold,, I kept asking for him to sing me a song,, It was funny,, silly bugger just wouldn't put the phone down.
Then I phoned up about the rubber plant for sale,, I asked if it was a rubber,rubber plant or a real rubber plant in a really fast voice ,the woman was going mental at me.
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Post by davy on Feb 19, 2017 2:04:38 GMT
Next up was the old woman selling a 6 by 4 bed with storage underneath,, I phoned her up and asked if it was still for sale. I used a very slow voice on this one. I said , great,, it's a fantastic idea a 6ft bed that sleeps 4 underneath,, just what me and the Mrs need as it's cramped with me ,her and four kids sleeping in the one bed, She of course corrected me and said it's a 6 x 4 bed. I said can four still sleep underneath it.. She was getting ratty now,, I said I could get her done for false advertising.. I couldn't help but laugh and she heard,, she asked who it was,, I said Jim...lol .. everyone in Scotland knows a Jim. So if a Jim got a kicking from an old woman over a 6x4 bed. Sorry Jim 😂
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Post by johnno on Feb 20, 2017 21:37:21 GMT
Your a rum bugger Davy. We would of got on like a house on fire working together
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Post by davy on Feb 20, 2017 22:06:05 GMT
😂
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robrj
Member
Posts: 248
home town/country: Escondido, CA
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Post by robrj on Feb 22, 2017 23:56:34 GMT
These stories remind me of my Uncle Pat. He was a long term practical joker. My father and he were electricians at a plant that supplied auto parts to General Motors. In his shop, he hooked up a foot pedal to a radio's volume control. Whenever his coworker (who I'll call Norm) walked by, my uncle would push the pedal and cause the volume to race. It shocked Norm at first but every time he passed, my uncle would push the pedal. Soon, Norm would walk by and wave his hand at the radio to make the volume go up and everyone else, who were in on the joke, would act all amazed. One day he walked in and passed his hand in front of the radio and it didn't do anything. My uncle told him, "Norm, you've been working on that grinder all week. Maybe it charged your body up with static electricity." He said after that Norm went out and worked on the grinder for about 2 hours straight. When he came back in, sure enough, it started working again. He was so happy. After another day of this, my uncle finally said, "Hey Norm, check this out" and showed him the pedal and how it increased the volume. Norm was so pissed.
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Post by Dragon Man on Feb 23, 2017 13:24:06 GMT
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Post by ChrisV on Feb 23, 2017 21:53:43 GMT
Booker prize Davy !
My weather woes continue. Its going to be clouds and rain for the next week in Sydney. But last night was supposed to be clear. So to catch some of the new moon took my gear down the park. It sits on the end of a ridge which faces north and theres nothing but national park in that direction for 40km. Set up. Beaut polar and star align. Got darks and flats for the asi071.
Then bang 830pm - the clouds roll in. I tried to duck and dodge around. But no luck. Went home 11pm.
And wouldn't you know it. By 1am it was clear as a bell outside. And like that for the rest of the night !
What's the best place to get reliable weather/cloud conditions??
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Post by davy on Feb 24, 2017 1:45:22 GMT
Yip my weather is very consistent,, crap,, cloudy constantly until around 12.30 at night,, in the middle of storm Doris just now had a big dump of snow on Brigadoon,, although we had plenty prior warning,, gritters were not out in force and the roads were like mother Russia as they say,, yip Scotland will need to start importing Lada's again,,only thing that can't get stuck in Siberia,, sales of old Volvo 240 estates will be premium on eBay as well for all us tinks who can't afford land rover discovery's.. still the snow came and went and now it's fishing Wadders to get through the puddles of slush,, astronomy what astronomy.. need to start reading newbie section it's been that long from last time I got my scope out,, still makes a good clothes horse.
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Post by Dragon Man on Feb 24, 2017 7:01:12 GMT
. . . . What's the best place to get reliable weather/cloud conditions?? Chris, they say the Moon has absolute clear atmosphere. Never a cloud.
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